Starting Early

A Fool In NH Column Heading

I realize it is way too early to be doing this, but I thought I would try a new strategy this time.
Today (which is whatever day you are reading this) I am officially declaring my candidacy for governor of New Hampshire under the Flatlander Ticket.
My handlers insist that I am making a mistake; that I should wait until next year until I find out who my opponents might be so I can enter the race with a pre-planned campaign and hit the ground running with the correct amount of empty promises and as well as partially researched mud to sling at my opposition.
I disagree. I think it’s time to do something different in politics, to shake things up a bit.
By entering the race I can start with my campaign slogan: “The First One In In The First In The Nation”
I also think that by entering the race during the presidential primary cycle I can establish a positive image in people’s minds by using psychology.
When I show up at a bean hole bean dinner I can go up to people and shake their hand and say:
“I’d really appreciate your vote next year.”
“Oh, are you running for president TOO!!”
“Not at all, I’m running for governor.”
“Thank goodness. Here, have some bean hole beans.”
It seems pretty clear that our present governor, Maggie “Let It Ride” Hassan will be following the logical progression of people who plan to spend their lives running for one office or another instead of actually contributing something useful to society and will most likely run for the U.S. Senate next year.
This means there will be a wide open field and the sooner one gets in the better.
It is important to gather early support and get a grassroots campaign going.
A grassroots campaign is where you find a lot of ordinary folk who are willing to give up all of their free time to help you get elected. There are a lot of these people around who would rather help you, even though you don’t even know them, than to get significant things done in their own lives.
They will stand at intersections on rainy days holding signs with your name on it; they will wear buttons and put bumper stickers on their cars; many will even put large signs on their lawns; they will risk their safety by going door to door to ask people to vote for you. The best ones will pay a bunch of money to go to a dinner where they will hear you say the same things they’ve heard you say on television a zillion times already and hope there is enough time at the end of the dinner to have their picture taken with you.
When all is said and done and you get elected they will cheer and carry on like they accomplished something great. You will go to the victory party and act pretty excited and thank them all for all they have done for you.
After that they will go home, satisfied that they have helped to bring great change.
It is important that you take advantage of these grassroots people early on. By the time you plan to run for a second term they will realize that you don’t really give a rats you-know-what about them and nothing that you promised will ever happen and they will then find someone else who they can give all their free time to and to heck with their own lives.
You needn’t feel bad about this, it is something that has been going on for decades and is part of the American way.
So, by starting early I can get some of these people on board before they start believing someone else.
The second reason to get in early is to find the people who have a lot of money to give you to help you get elected. They are completely different than the grassroots people because what they say really matters.
As I officially launch my campaign for governor I am asking for your help. I’d love to have you help with my grassroots campaign. Your selfless commitment on working every day to help me bring my message of change to the people touches my heart.
Of course, if you have other things to do and you just want to give me money, that’s fine as well.
Okay, let’s get started.

Visit Brendan’s website for information on his books and speaking engagements at or follow his blog at