The Flatlander Fair

A Fool In NH Column Heading


Come One! Come All! Whaddya Waiting For?”

Yes, it’s time for the sixteenth annual Flatlander Fair next weekend at the Brautonboroughton Fairgrounds, just off of Rte 416G.

Resident Flatlanders, Visiting Flatlanders and natives alike are invited to attend what has become the number one, in fact the only, Flatlander Fair in New Hampshire.

Whether or not you are a non-native resident looking for a taste from the old country, a temporary guest just a little homesick, or a native who is still trying to figure out exactly what Flatlanders are all about, this is an event that is not to be missed.

Just as visiting Flatlanders themselves like to attend traditional country fairs so they can, for just a day, get a taste for country living, so to can the hardcore native come to the Flatlander Fair and get a taste, for just a day, for what it’s like to live in the city and suburbs…without having to actually go there.

Gates will open at noon, so we can sleep in a bit, and the Fair will go on till eleven on Saturday (Why not? We don’t have to be there until Noon the next day) and 5pm on Sunday.

Some old favorites as well as some new, exciting attractions will highlight this year’s Flatlander Fair.

Back by popular demand is “Paulie The Clown” who will thrill both young, old and middle-aged with his extraordinary balloon figures. Dressed in a pinstripe suit, Bruno Magli shoes and sunglasses, Paulie will create a wide variety of balloon figures from the simple Nathan Hot Dog to a complex array of hundreds of balloons recreating a traffic Jam on the Long Island Expressway. It is something you won’t want to miss. (Of course, children will not be allowed to sit on Paulie’s lap so as not to mess up his suit.)

Other events during the day will include a New York Style Potato Salad eating contest, an obstacle course where participants will try to maneuver six blocks of a makeshift city street during lunch hour and the ever popular subway rider herding competition where actual subway workers from big cities around the country will show their prowess in stuffing a subway car full of commuters during a simulated rush hour. All those attending the fair are encouraged to participate as herdees. (The fair organizers take no responsibility for the loss of any personal items that are discovered after the event is over.)

There will also be a giant craft and goods fair both days with over 250 exhibitors selling, at ridiculously low prices, knock-offs of famous designer brand pocketbooks, sunglasses and other cheaply made goods.

Did you say food? Of course, there will be food. Lots of it including: Brooklyn bagels, slices of pizza on waxed paper, crumb cake, black and white cookies and potato knishes. If you are a visiting city dweller you will feel right at home as you wait in long lines after picking a number. If you are lucky, there will still be some of these great food items left when you finally get to the front of the line.

Of course, there will be great things for the kids. Stickball, stoopball, catch-a-fly-is-up and ringalivio tournaments will be held on hard cement surfaces surrounding makeshift apartment buildings. It’s really fun for the whole family…and no crying allowed.

On Saturday night, step back in time as you take a seat on the hood of any one of dozens of parked cars that will be surrounding the giant leaf bonfire. If you are a native of the suburbs, it will take you back to those summer days when your old man broke his back raking the leaves on the 1/24th of an acre lawn he was so proud of into a pile and then lighting it on fire while you watched from the hood of his Oldsmobile, If you are a New Hampshire native, you’ll just be confused.

The Flatlander Fair will stop abruptly at 5pm on Sunday evening. Everyone will be hurried from the premises whether they like it or not and no backtalk will be tolerated from anyone, anywhere at any time. You don’t like it? Tough.

Admission to the Flatlander fair is $20 each day, Seniors and students are $20 and children under 12 are only $20. Parking is free but a nice tip to the attendant will help make sure nothing unfortunate happens to your car. No coolers will be allowed as we want you to buy our stuff, we aren’t here for our health!!

So mark your calendars for next weekend and join us for The Flatlander Fair.

For more information…ask around.