Sports Bars—Where Everyone Knows Your Name!

Mike Moffett

 by Mike Moffett
Weirs Times Columnist

True sports people generally go through three phases.
Phase One involves dreaming of playing for the Red Sox, etc.
Phase Two involves redirecting to coaching, officiating, sports-writing, playing golf etc. when the Red Sox don’t offer that contract.
Phase Three occurs when coaching, officiating, sports-writing, playing golf etc. starts to get old. Phase Three involves Sports Bars!
Admit it. You’ve thought of opening your own bar. Mine would be called “Mike’s Sports Pub.” I’m not exactly sure where it would be. Maybe on an island in Lake Winnipesaukee—accessible by boat in the summer and snowmobile in the winter, assuming we can resolve all zoning and environmental issues.
That would be part of the charm of “Mike’s Sports Pub.” Location, Location, Location! Having the bar on an island will keep out the riff-raff. Exclusivity has its place.
Given that my bar would be surrounded by water, there would be a nautical theme. Fishermen, boaters, and water-skiers welcome! A Marine Corps flag would fly below an American flag over the docks. Marines would get libations “On the house.”
There would be a modest menu, of course. As I don’t know anything about cooking, I’d have to hire a chef and some assistants. They’d just need to make sure we offer cheeseburgers and hot dogs.
While I might need bar managers who know what they’re doing, I would do the marketing. We’d have special nights, beyond just Ladies Nights or Trivia Nights. We honor local towns. Wolfeboro Night, Meredith Night, and so forth. Also Hockey Night, Beard Night, Bald Night, Grandparents Night, etc.
The interior would include sports pictures, paraphernalia and memorabilia—including a photo of the 1974-75 Plymouth State men’s basketball team. Old teammates would get libations “On the house.”
There’ll be several big screen TVs. And we’d display mounted fish caught from the lake, and maybe a moose head, like the one in Biederman’s Deli in Plymouth. Mine would also wear a Red Sox cap. Uniform jerseys from local high schools as well as Boston pro sports teams would adorn the walls. Active or retired pro athletes would get libations “On the house.”
Oh yeah. Any media people would get libations “On the house.”
(Law enforcement people—i.e. the Marine Patrol—would get cheeseburgers “On the house.”)
So as you can tell, I’ve given this a lot of thought, as I enter Phase Three of my sports life journey. “Mike’s Sports Pub” will be an epic destination. Yes, there remain a few questions. I do need some capital, some financial backing. Probably around $2 million. Potential investors can contact me via my e-mail address below. Whoever partners with me can expect libations “On the house!”
PICK A TEAM!
Years ago a bunch of us were talking sports at a sports bar somewhere and a woman at our table seemed out of her element. She wasn’t saying anything. So I tried to pull her in to the discussion and asked her what her favorite sports team was.
She pondered the question for several moments. “Well, I guess I like the Red Sox AND the Yankees.”
The poor lady was immediately assailed from all sides.
“You can’t do that!”
“Are you CRAZED!”
“Pick one team!”
I’m sure the unfortunate woman wished I’d never put her on the spot. Sorry!
I thought of this vignette recently while enjoying a fabulous dinner at a great place called “Mr. Pizza” up north in Gorham. While not a sports bar per se, Mr. Pizza abounded with sports jerseys and paraphernalia.
I noticed a vintage Montreal Canadien “Rocket” Richard #9 jersey right next to a Boston Bruin Terry O’Reilly #24 jersey. I was tempted to suggest that the Canadien jersey be sent to Quebec and replaced with a Bobby Orr #4. But perhaps Mr. Pizza understands marketing.
While a fan really should pick ONE team, fans of ALL teams love pizza.

Sports Quiz
Democratic Presidential candidate Hillary Clinton is a fan of what Major League Baseball team? (Answer follows)

Born Today …
That is to say, sports standouts born on August 4 include seven-time Cy Young Award winner Roger Clemens (1962) and NASCAR star Jeff Gordon (1971).

Sportsquote
“I walk into a clubhouse today and it’s like walking into the Mayo Clinic. We have four doctors, three therapists and five trainers. Back when I broke in, we had one trainer who carried a bottle of rubbing alcohol, and by the 7th inning he’d already drunk it.”—former Dodger manager Tommy Lasorda

Sportsquiz Answer
Mrs. Clinton often claimed that “I’ve always been a Yankee fan,” but in 1994 the Illinois native claimed that “Being a Cubs fan prepares you for life in Washington.”

Michael Moffett is a Professor of Sports Management for Plymouth State University and NHTI-Concord. He recently co-authored the critically-acclaimed and award-winning “FAHIM SPEAKS: A Warrior-Actor’s Odyssey from Afghanistan to Hollywood and Back” (with the Marines)—which is available through Amazon.com. His e-mail address is mimoffett@comcast.net.