A Really Bad Virus

by Brendan Smith
Weirs Times Editor

You’ve seen it on the news. It has been getting coverage 24/7.
It has a lot of folks concerned, while others claim it is nothing to worry about.
We are told to just go about our day to day business as usual and not to worry about it. But that is hard to do when the cable news networks and even the local newscasts, are talking about it ad nauseam.
There was a similar outbreak four years ago, but it was a different strain with possible different effects. Still, even that one had no known cure, but we all survived it anyway. Some of us feeling even better than before and others feeling worse.
Yes, another outbreak of Politivirus is here in full force and everyone is on edge since the odds are very high, especially in this day and age, that you will catch it.
Still, if you are vigilant and cautious during your day to day routine, there are ways that you can avoid it, or at least, if you get it, not let it take down your immune system.
The CPVC (Center For Politivirus Control) has a list of guidelines you can follow to help you avoid it as much as possible.
First off, stay at least ten feet away from anyone who has it. But how do you know they have it? Easy. Unlike most other viruses that can take days or weeks to show symptoms, Politivirus will show symptoms almost immediately.
They can start small, but if you know what you are looking for, they are easy to spot. An infected person will often start with small, negative comments about one political candidate or another. They are not too dangerous at this point, but now you know to stay back. Soon their ramblings will become louder and more virulent and, if you are too close, the spittle which comes from their angry lips could infect you. Thus, the ten-foot rule.
Another way to get an early jump on recognizing others who may be infected is to check your local newspaper’s letters page. If you see a person has written one letter complaining about a candidate, don’t panic. If you see numerous letters over several weeks ranting incoherently about politics, then you know for sure they are infected. Do Not!! I Repeat!! Do Not Get Within Twenty Feet Of These People! They Are The Worst Of The Carriers Of The Virus!
Some folks will have political signs on their lawns. This is not necessarily a clue they have the virus, but it should give you a heads up to watch them for some of the more obvious signs. (If someone has a sign on their lawn as big as a roadside billboard, it is best to stay away from them till after the election, just to be safe.)
Of course, if anyone you know who works full time for a political party in trying to get others elected, they will always be carriers of the virus, no matter what the season. Approach them with caution at all times. They are extremely dangerous.
The CPVC also suggests wearing a mask if attending a town meeting here in New Hampshire since this unique form of Politivirus shows a different mutation every single year so it is hard to keep up with the changes.
Though not all will be infected, those that are can carry some of the more virulent strains of Politivirus. You may witness neighbors, who once seemed like calm, collected individuals, suddenly transform into babbling, spittle spewing maniacs. The site alone is unnerving, but enough to make one realize how dangerous this virus can be if the proper precautions aren’t taken.
Most folks think that it is impossible to catch Politivirus if you just stay home. Though this used to be true many years ago, the rise of social media has seen Politivirus now running rampant and unchecked in millions of homes, once thought safe havens.
If you are not infected and go on Facebook or Twitter, it can sometimes only be a matter of minutes, and in extreme cases seconds, until you can feel the inklings of Politivirus starting to take hold. If you start to feel any of the symptoms it is advised by the CPVC that you SHUT DOWN IMMEDIATELY. It has been proven that just one, snarky, seemingly innocent reply to a posting by someone else with Politivirus can lead swiftly to one and then dozens and by then it is, sadly, too late.
The CPVC also warns folks not to be too complacent once Election Day comes and goes in November (or here in New Hampshire once Town Meeting Day is over). Though the strains of Politvirus will diminish, the germs are always in the air circulating around and, unfortunately, some folks never recover, they are infected for life. (As mentioned previously, the letters pages are a good resource.)
It is advised that you stay vigilant throughout the year. It is usually just when you let your guard down that you will unexpectedly find yourself infected, throwing spittle and ranting like a mad person.
So, be careful out there.
Some folks suggest buying lots of toilet paper helps somehow, but who knows?
And wash your hands…it couldn’t hurt.

Brendan is the author of “The Flatlander Chronicles” and “Best Of A F.O.O.L In New Hampshire”. His newest book “I Really Only Did It For The Socks & Other Tales Of Aging” will be available this spring. To find out more visit his website at BrendanTSmith.com