Asking For Help

by Brendan Smith
Weirs Times Editor

Things are really starting to heat up this campaign season.
Soon I will know exactly who my opponents will be in the race for governor of New Hampshire.
In case you don’t know, I am running again for the office as the candidate representing the Flatlander Party. There aren’t a lot of other candidates from the party running for other offices. In fact, there are none.
I am it.
Of course, you won’t see my name on the ballot. The powers that be are doing their best to keep my name off of it since I am not associated with any of the more well-known political parties. They have been working hard behind the scenes to discredit my candidacy.(Getting only six people to sign my nomination papers to be on the ballot hasn’t helped either.)
In order to make it seem like anyone has a chance to be elected to office, even if they can’t get on the ballot, they include blank spaces where you need to actually write in a name instead of easily selecting one that is already printed on it.
The powers that be aren’t afraid of this option. They realize that most people don’t want to spend valuable time in the voting booth writing in someone’s name. They’ve already spent way too much time trying to figuring out the meaning of these amendments on the ballot that they didn’t expect to see.
“What the heck is this? Let me see, if I vote “yes” does it really mean no? Who has the time to figure all this out? Forget about writing in someone’s name, I’ve been here long enough already. I need to check my social media post to see how many people liked my pictures of kittens fighting over a ball of yarn after I throw in my two cents into a political argument that won’t change anyone’s mind.”
This is where I come in.
I can only get elected if people write my name on the designated “write in” line. It will take a lot of time and effort, but I think I can persuade folks to do it.
But even if I am successful there are still a lot of complications.
After all, I have done some research and found out that I am not the only Brendan Smith living in New Hampshire. In fact, there are more than you might imagine. So, if you write “Brendan Smith” in the write-in line for governor, who is to say that one of the other Brendan Smith’s might wake up the morning after election day and claim that victory for himself? (Or herself if people write “Brenda” by mistake.)
You are probably thinking to yourself right now “Wow, I never thought of that,” or maybe “I need to check my Facebook page to see if anyone liked the selfie I took eating lunch.”
So, I need to find a way to make myself stand out from the small, yet significant crowd, of Brendan Smiths.
The only way to do that is with a nickname. I need to come up with something in parentheses between “Brendan” and “Smith” that will distinguish myself from the other Brendan Smiths and let the ballot counters know it is me and not someone else with the same name who might not even want the job in the first place.
This will take some careful consideration and I am looking to you for help on this.
I can’t just go with the old standards like “Sparky” or “Chip” or even the obvious “Smitty” that so many people will simply assume I like to be called simply because my last name is Smith. (Plus. I’m sure at least another Brendan Smith in New Hampshire is known as “Smitty” whether they like it or not.)
I need something unique that will be mine and mine alone.
I also want to be careful of using any nicknames like “Lucky” or “Bugsy” or even “Ice Pick” because, even though they sound pretty cool, I think some folks might get the wrong idea. (Though, I could imagine leaning back in the governor’s chair, slowly scratching my cheek as legislators came to visit and telling them they will support my ideas because I’ll make them an offer they can’t refuse.)
So, I’m asking you to help me come up with a cool nickname I can use that might not just help distinguish me from the rest of the Brendan Smith’s in New Hampshire, but also cool enough that people might just get a kick out of writing it on the ballot. You never know, we might even get folks who never vote who will want to go to the polls just because it will be so much fun to write in my nickname.
I am going to need to come up with this in the next couple of weeks so I can get out on the campaign trail and promote it.
What do you think a good nickname for my campaign would be? Send your ideas to me at brendan@weirs.com, If I use yours, you might win a prize, but I can’t guarantee that.