Books For Christmas
by Brendan Smith
Weirs Times Editor
If you are still looking for some gift ideas for on your Christmas List, here are a few suggestions of some of my favorite books that have something for everyone that you may not have heard of before.
Profiles In Profiles -This handy book is a condensed version of all of the books written by the many candidates for president so you don’t have to waste valuable time reading what are basically the same stories told in different ways. From their hard childhoods where they overcame adversity to their later realization that they were meant to be lifetime politicians instead of actually working for a living, this book breaks down their stories in easy to read snippets. Makes for minutes of unenjoyable reading.
Larry Porter And The Self Serve Checkout – This exciting adventure series continues to follow the exploits of Larry Porter, who is in his sixties, and must deal with ever changing technology in order to survive. In this adventure, Larry comes face to face with the “Please Remove Item From Bagging Area” conundrum without a sales associate in sight and a growing line of millennials waiting in line behind him. This is the third in the Larry Porter series after the popular “Larry Porter and The Debit Chip Card” and “Larry Porter and The New Smartphone”.
The Unhandyman’s Guide – A great book for the incompetent handyman in your life. This comprehensive guide covers all the bases form the difference between a Philips Head and a Flat Head screwdriver to exactly why in the world there are so many different types of damn nails. A full glossary in the back is full of complicated terms like “drywall” and “soffit” and their meanings (as well as pictures to help him understand fully) so your man won’t feel like a complete idiot when he is out drinking a few beers with his handy friends. (I own a copy myself and it has saved me from total embarrassment more than a few times.)
Speaking of beer The Craft Beer Hater’s Guide To Beer will thrill the beer non-aficionado on your Christmas List. This 24-page masterpiece highlights the limited ingredients and similar tastes and aromas of classics like Budweiser, Bud Light, Miller Lite, Coors, Corona and Blatz. This book, surprisingly enough, will also appeal to the Craft Beer lover who is always looking for a new taste sensation.
The Movie Watchers Guide To Who’s Who And Where Have I Seen Them Before – This amazing book is a must for any movie fan. The creators have found a unique way to let you watch a movie and then, using their ingeniously designed index, quickly figure out exactly what other movies the actor who suddenly appears in the movie you are watching was in. Now the question “What the heck other movie was she in?” can be answered instantly instead of pausing the movie you are watching to check your phone to find out. A great time saver.
Favorite New Hampshire Street Trails – The perfect book for the hiker in your family who hates the woods. This town by town guide shows you the best neighborhood streets to walk down and the sites to be aware of. Did you know there is actually a purple house with yellow shutters in Londonderry? On what street in Keene does one overgrown lawn standout out in the neighborhood? Find out how seven cars as well as a 20-foot camper can fit onto one small driveway in Franklin. These and other often unexplored New Hampshire sites will be revealed to you in this wonderful 2020 edition which includes dozens of new sites which didn’t even exist a year ago.
The Best Baby Names (And How To Make Yours Standout) -The perfect book for expectant parents helping them choose a name for their new bundle of joy. This 225-page guide contains only ten boys’ names and ten girls’ names, but each name comes with as many as seven hundred different spelling variations so that even though your child’s name may sound similar to thousands of others, they will be able to find their own identity with their unique spelling and slightly different pronunciation. This book also contains a workbook to help you design your own baby name with a special formula that shows you how to correctly add additional vowels and consonants to your baby’s otherwise simple name without seeming too ridiculous.
A PC Guide To Offenses You May Be Missing – This 2,365 page behemoth has a section for every category of person in the United States and the words and actions that they should be offended by that they didn’t know they should be offended by. Don’t let a phrase, hand gesture, facial expression or any other of hundreds of different vague offenses get by you without you being able to express your newly discovered indignation. (835 different categories of people and offenses have been included in this book. With the digital version you will be able to download the newest categories of people and what should offend them as they are created. At the rate of six to ten new categories a week, the digital version and its five dollar monthly upgrade fee are definitely worth it.)
There are many other books I could recommend, but I’m tired.
