Column From This Guy

by Brendan Smith
Weirs Times Editor

Recently, I received an email where the sender of the message identified themselves by name at the end and then, in parentheses below, added the three different pronouns they would like to be identified with. (In this case: she/ her/hers.)
This is a relatively new phenomenon that has arisen over the past few years and, to be honest, can be a bit confusing.
I realize this is a touchy situation in today’s convoluted social atmosphere and I am hesitant to even discuss it so as not to draw a lot of ire (whatever that is) upon myself from some readers.
But seeing I don’t have any other ideas for a column this week I figured…what the heck.
Doing a bit of research, I have found out there are now considered to be fifty-two genders, which is about fifty more than when I was a kid, so it’s hard to keep up. (Some say there are hundreds, but I will keep with the fifty-two now until I can catch up.)
I did notice that in researching COVID-19 cases and different reports by the CDC and other official groups, that only two genders seem to be catching the virus, so the other dozens of genders must be doing something right in keeping safe and maybe we can learn from them.
Each gender, I also found out through minutes of research, have now, as the previously mentioned letter writer did, have to have up to four different pronouns. Some of these include: they/them/their/themself and he/him/his/himself, which are easy for me to remember.
But some get a bit complicated such as: ey/em/eir/eirself and xe/xem/xyr/xemslef, just to name two of many.
Reading all of this scares me a bit, as I don’t want to meet up with someone I know who has recently gone from a her to a ey to a xe, or some other new pronoun without me knowing it and I insult them by greeting them incorrectly. (I am sure I have messed up somewhere in the above sentences and will get more than a few letters from others signed with their appropriate pronouns.)
I guess, since I am a male and feel like one most of the time, I should be signing my letters and emails with he/him/his/himself so everyone will know exactly who they are dealing with when reading my correspondence.
But on further reflection, I have decided that I don’t necessarily have to follow any specific rules when it comes to how I want to identify my gender when communicating with others.
After all, who made up all of these pronouns in the first place? Was there some kind of pronoun conference that I missed reading about? Who was in charge of all this and who put them there?
None of this got my vote. After all, they do apply to everyone and not just a select few.
To me, this whole gender designation thingamajig is still open for a lot of discussion. So, in protest of these rules that I am supposed to follow, but had no input in to, I am making up my own gender designation and will no longer be recognized as he/him/his/himself.
At first, I considered just I/Me/Mine/Myself but that seemed too easy. Then I considered Brendan/Bren/B/Brenself, but those aren’t really pronouns and if someone quickly misreads “Brendan” as “Brenda” that opens up a whole new can of worms (which are hermaphrodites by the way…not that there’s anything wrong with that.)
I finally decided on That Guy/This Guy/The Guy (still working on that fourth one). I’m not sure if these are even pronouns. (Who said they must be pronouns anyway? Too many rules none of us had anything to do with.)
I feel comfortable and non threatened with That Guy/This Guy/The Guy and I hope you will respect my wishes by using these when addressing me.
Of course, if you let me know in advance how you would like to be addressed that would be much appreciated or I will just have to assume a pronoun and that could lead to hurt feelings and no one wants that…not even This Guy.
There is no greater feeling of discomfort than meeting an old friend who you used to be a “sie” but is now a “tey” and no one ever let you know.
It can kill a friendship.
As I am approaching sixty-five years of life, I have to admit that all these pronoun changes are a little hard to keep up with. Sometimes I can barely remember if I took my morning pills, let alone trying to make sure I am using the correct pronoun for dozens of different gender designations.
So, bear with me as I try to do my best with this latest social phenomenon, which I’m sure, just as I’m getting good at it, will change once again.
Till next week
Brendan Smith
(That Guy/This Guy/The Guy)