F.A.T.S.O. Diversity?

by Brendan Smith
Weirs Times Editor

As if this year hasn’t been tough enough on F.A.T.S.O. to already; now we have to deal with this.
F.A.T.S.O. of course, stands for Flatlanders Adjusting To Solitary Oblivion, a support group to help new transplants to New Hampshire adjust to their first few winters here.
January is usually a very robust time for F.A.T.S.O. In a typical winter, right now we would be at our busiest, answering phone calls and signing up new members as Flatlanders who are experiencing their first winters would find themselves dismayed as the summer paradise they have been used to over the years as vacationers, has suddenly turned into a desolate snow covered ice box where their favorite restaurants are closed early (if open at all).
Add to that the influx of people from away who are moving here to escape the craziness going on in the big cities this year and the shutdowns caused by COVID-19, and you have the recipe for a banner year for F.A.T.S.O.
As you know, the start of this winter has been anything but usual. In December, we were all excited here at F.AT.S.O. when the giant snowfall came. We were licking our chops and spending money we assumed we would be getting in new membership fees. (Yes, the latte machine was a bit extravagant). But then it all fell apart as heavy Christmas rains and above normal temperatures since, have kept the phones quiet and our bank account below the safe level.
But, as in mild winters of the past, we knew we would survive. Even news of the Polar Vortex spinning out of control and possibly bringing a miserably cold and snowy February has filled us with hope. Even if it doesn’t come to pass, we will survive, we have been here before in mild winter amidst the cries of “climate change” that would doom us, only to find ourselves the next winter deluged with phone calls and money as old man winter suddenly came roaring back for another visit.
But this winter we are faced with another problem to deal with, one we should have seen coming in this peculiar time we live in.
We have come under fire for not being diverse enough.
It started with a letter to the editor in a local daily newspaper. The writer, a lifelong native, was angry that he had tried to become a member of F.A.T.S.O. but was turned down after he answered question number two on our online application.
The question asked simply: “Are you a non-native of New Hampshire?”
With a “no” answer he was immediately greeted with a polite pop-up message telling him he was not eligible for membership.
He became outraged, which caused him to write the letter to the editor of a local weekly newspaper, which in turn prompted a front page story since there wasn’t much else to report on that day.
The paper did call me first to ask about the situation.
“Mr. Smith would you care to comment on the letter we received from an angry person, whose gender we won’t use here as is our policy, who is upset in not being allowed to become a member of your, what appears to be, very exclusive organization?”
“Sure, it’s right in the name. F.A.T.S.O. was created to help Flatlanders adjust. It really has no purpose for lifelong natives and we wouldn’t want to take their money unfairly.”
“So, you are saying that your group, whose name I can’t say since it might offend someone if they are listening into this call and could later be used in an edited form years from now to discredit me, is discriminating against natives?”
“No, I’m not saying that at all. I am saying that F.A.T.S.O. wouldn’t benefit them and we focus more on people who actually need our help.”
He hung up.
The next morning the headline read: “Leader Of Local Group Defends Practice Of Discrimination – Claims They Won’t Help Natives.”
Of course, as is the case whenever anything even smells of discrimination seeps out like a gas leak to the general public, the panic ensues. Letters to the editor were written by some before they even read the story so as to be the first in line to show their outrage.
We were hanging on by a string financially even before all of this brouhaha. Current F.A.T.S.O. members are opting out of renewing so as not to be seen as prejudiced and want to avoid dirty looks from natives at the deli section of the local supermarket.
I was even kicked off the popular social media site saystupidstuff.com when I tried to defend myself.
I am being asked to apologize in public and to hang my head in shame.
I haven’t made a decision yet on how to handle it or to do anything at all.
Will this be the end of F.A.T.S.O? Will we now have to include any native who wants to join?
Time will tell.