Helping Out
by Brendan Smith
Weirs Times Editor
I have been called on again to help New Hampshire.
Since the late 1990s, the decade of no social media or coronavirus -fondly remembered as the good old days – I have been occasionally called upon by those in charge in the State of New Hampshire to step in and help.
This year the clarion call (whatever that is) has once again rung out in my direction.
Yes, it is time for me to, once again, come up with some new ideas for lottery scratch tickets.
Sales of lottery tickets have been fine since the onslaught of the virus. The state in its infinite wisdom went to an online lottery ticket program a couple of years back. At first, some at the Lottery Commission thought that this was not a good idea, it might just make it too easy and convenient for people to “play responsibly”.
But one commission employee with insight stood up and said: “What if there happens to be an overblown pandemic? People might not feel safe going to the convenience store any longer. How will they buy their scratch tickets then?”
So today, thanks to this wise employee’s intuitive insight, people can now easily dispose of any “extra” money they have on lottery tickets without ever leaving their homes. Even Covid-19 couldn’t defeat this.
Today, many in the convenience store industry are complaining. They have remained open during the pandemic, risking their lives on the so-called “front lines” so people can gas up their cars and buy their morning coffee.
But one group of folks have been found to be avoiding the convenience stores all together since the virus has taken hold – the scratch ticket buyer. With the easy option of avoiding buying tickets in public places, they are staying home, and with that has been a decrease in ancillary sales of other items as well.
This may not seem like much, but in the end it all adds up to their bottom line.
So, the Lottery Commission is asking me to come up with some new, creative tickets that can’t be played online, but will be enticing enough to those hardcore players to get them to overcome their fears and once again make that trip to the convenience store to buy tickets, as well as other items.
Some of my ideas so far…
Mask Or No Mask – With this ticket players will approach the cashier with the option of wearing a mask or not. After they buy the ticket, they will be required to scratch the ticket in the store at a special table that has been completely sanitized by a store employee every thirty minutes (if it’s not too busy and there are enough employees on duty). Each ticket will show either three masks or three bare faces and all will win a monetary prize but only if the player’s ticket matches their own choice to wear a mask or not when purchasing the ticket. There will also need to be an armed security guard stationed at each store to prevent potential violence if a player chooses to come in unmasked and is confronted by a crazed masked wearing fanatic.
Keep Your Distance & Strike It Rich – These tickets are specially made at three feet long. It is the hope that those extremely fearful players may be enticed to leave their homes to purchase this one. The jackpot will be huge at $1,000,000 (1 in 6,325,945 are guaranteed the grand prize). The ticket can be purchased safely without ever having to get near the cashier. Simply flash your cash then place it in a sanitized lock box near the front door. The cashier will then slide you the giant ticket. Scratching this ticket in the store will be discouraged as the amount of ticket dust that would be created could cause another potential health hazard.
Antibody Or Nobody – This is a “Two Birds With One Stone” ticket. Buy a ticket and scratch three “Antibodies” and win not only some money, but also a free test on site by a store clerk/phlebotomist to see if you have the antibody and no longer have to worry. Scratch three Dr. Faucis and you win nothing and have to go back home and worry some more.
I have suggested that some stores should try to add Drive-Thru Scratch ticket windows as well as curbside pick-up and possibly home delivery. Maybe have an early bird hour where those over 60 can come in and buy their scratch tickets before the crowds, maybe even have an “Early To Rise, Early To Scratch” special ticket only for them.
I am also suggesting that each ticket sale over five dollars includes a 2-ounce bottle of hand sanitizer.
Hope this helps get these businesses back on their feet.
Brendan is the author of “The Flatlander Chronicles” and “Best Of A F.O.O.L. In New Hampshire” available at BrendanTSmith.com. His latest book “I Only Did It For The Socks – Stories and Thoughts On Aging” will be published later this year.
