Hitting Below The Belt

by Brendan Smith
Weirs Times Editor

I’m sure you got one in the mail as well, so what I’m telling you isn’t new, but I am hoping to clear the air before the election.
I was surprised to see it myself.
Thinking it was just another one of the many oversized political postcard mailers that are pretty run of the mill this time of year, I took it out of my mailbox to have a quick glance before throwing it in the trash.
When I looked at it, I had to do a double take (actually, I only looked at it once, I just use double take for dramatic effect). The mailer was sponsored by both of the two major parties who had candidates running for governor and they were attacking…me.
It was amazing.
After a little over twenty years of running for governor, they were starting to pay attention to my candidacy and were finally realizing that I had an effect on the outcome of elections by siphoning votes from a lot of folks who were tired of the two party system.
I was, at first, overjoyed.
I would imagine most people don’t know who I am, never mind that I’m running for governor under The Flatlander Party ticket. By attacking me in a widely distributed mailer, they were bringing on much needed attention that I have been in a quandary trying to bring upon myself.
With a limited campaign budget of now a little under seventy dollars, it has been a challenge.
So, this mailer came as a pleasant surprise. By coming after me, they were helping me, which seemed to be against their idea in the first place.
It made no sense.
But after carefully reading what was actually on the mailer, my happiness turned into horror.
Like any good giant political postcard, I expected that they would be hurling attacks about my stand on issues like taxes, healthcare and environmental issues, which is to the norm, but no one really pays attention to those things anyway as most of those mailers just find themselves quickly deposited in the recycling bin.
This mailer was completely different. It attacked me on a very personal level, mentioning day to day issues that really strike a nerve with voters here in New Hampshire…issues that really matter.
Some of these accusations really hit below the belt and are taken out of context. Some go back thirty-five years, when I first moved to New Hampshire as a naïve transplant from New York and some of my inappropriate comments and actions of the time.
Since I can’t send out my own mailers in response and retaliation to my opponents due to my limited funds, I can only address them here in the hope of dispelling some of these slanderous statements.
I have defended each one in parentheses next to the accusation.

The mailer reads:
“IS IT TRUE THAT CANDIDATE SMITH…..”

…has been known to publicly ridicule Native New Hampshirites who eat pizza with a knife and a fork. (Never in public any longer, only in private. I’ve learned to accept this food sacrilege as a New England way of life.)

…has publicly scoffed at the expression “You Can’t Get There From Here?” (I admit I once thought this was a ridiculous and impossible statement. But after thirty-five years of back roads and one lane, two – hour journeys, I have found it to be true. There are still some places I haven’t figured out how to get to from here. We all evolve.)

…is a New York Jets fan and has rooted against the New England Patriots in every game (including Super Bowls) that they have played in since he moved here in 1985? (Yes, it is true. But I grew up a New York Jets fan and, yes, I still root for them. If nothing else, this should only increase your sympathy for me as I fruitlessly and quietly exclaim in private by November “Maybe Next Year!”)

…has never tasted an actual bean hole bean? (Yes, of this I am guilty and have no excuse. But I swear, if elected, I will actually try some. Can you get this kind of commitment on tasting a weird food from one of the other candidates? I strongly doubt it.)

…does not know how to correctly spell or pronounce “Kancamagus”? (I admit that was a struggle for the first twenty years I lived in New Hampshire, but I feel this attack is unfair as more than a few natives have some trouble with this one. I know for a fact – it was on social media, so it must be true -that one of the other candidates has spelled it “Kancamangus” on more than one occasion. Being the better candidate, I will not say who.)

So, I hope this has cleared these sensitive issues up for those who have received this mailer.
As far as my stand on other issues like taxes, health care and the environment, I don’t want to bore you. Maybe next week.

Brendan is the author of “The Flatlander Chronicles” and “Best Of A F.O.O.L. In New Hampshire” available at BrendanTSmith.com. His latest book “I Only Did It For The Socks – Stories and Thoughts On Aging” will be published soon.