Label Maker
by Brendan Smith
Weirs Times Editor
As I grow older and life has thrown me a couple of curveballs along the way, I have found myself with no choice but to pay attention to the health choices I make.
Not necessarily a bad thing.
Gone are the days when a sugar-filled, fast food diet energized my resilient teenage body and the thought that I might one day actually be..gasp!!…forty years old, horrified me.
It wasn’t possible that everyone would get older; it would never happen to me. I was different.
Now, as I seep further into my sixties, my thoughts aren’t consumed with such frivolous thinking. I have taken getting older as the natural life progression that it is.
Now when I wake up in the morning, I take a deep breath, look in the mirror and say to myself: “What is that bump on my face? That wasn’t there yesterday. Should I get that checked out? How in the heck did I miss that giant hair in my ear? Is it possible I have been walking around like that all week?”
Still, with age comes wisdom. Also with age comes carefully reading the labels in the supermarket.
I now am one of that club. You members know who you are. Standing sheepishly, many of us with reading glasses, studying sodium, calorie and other important, possibly life-saving info while teenagers and twenty-somethings reach around us, one or two even saying “excuse me” on occasion, to grab at things willy-nilly on the shelf.
Often when this happens, I think two things to myself. 1) How reckless, you don’t even know what you are putting in your bodies, your precious temples and 2) I’m jealous.
Of course, labels didn’t always exist.
Our parents and grandparents somehow survived, many well into their nineties and beyond, without ever looking at a label to see what they were actually eating.
Sometimes ignorance is bliss.
Labeling for food items began in 1990 when the Nutrition Labeling and Education Act was passed. (I know this because I looked it up.)
To many, this was a great breakthrough.
This eventually led to the incessant possible side-effects disclaimers that accompany most drug ads. (I’m not really sure about this but I don’t have time to look it up.)
Still, I don’t think the labeling thing has gone far enough.
Labeling shouldn’t be simply to let us know what we are eating. There are a few other things that I think would serve the public well if they were labeled or preceded by disclaimers.
There should be labels on all voting booths that read: “By casting your vote you are no way guaranteed that things will get better. In fact, odds are good that not much will change.”
In that same vein, all political mailings should carry the same, modified, statements that are on natural food supplements: “These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA (Facts and Details Administration). This is not intended to treat or cure any actual problem the country is facing.”
Also, I think it would be a great idea to put that little recycling logo we see on a lot of things in the corner of the TV screen every time a politician makes a speech.
Before each weather forecast on television, there should be a disclaimer: “The following weather forecast is subject to change at a moment’s notice. Do not use this information to actually plan your day as you are bound to be greatly disappointed.”
Most Reality TV Shows should actually come with labeling: “The following show contains no calories, no protein and no nutritional value whatsoever.
During poor economic times, dollar bills should be labeled with something like: “This dollar bill contains a greater percentage of your daily fiber than the actual amount of fiber you are able to buy with it.”
I think Smartphones should come with the disclaimer: “Just because it is called a Smartphone, that is no reflection on the actual intelligence, or lack thereof, by the user.” (This disclaimer would be, unfortunately, geared to those fifty and older.)
Labeling and disclaimers work only if people really care. For most people, on a day to day basis, many of these things are ignored. In fact, most folks don’t bother paying attention to obvious signs, much less those in small print.
Maybe if some of these were more direct, people might pay attention.
I always thought it might be fun to change the sign on the 14 items or less line at the supermarket: “Considerate people – 14 items or less . Rude, selfish and self-centered people – As many as you’d like.”
Not sure if it would matter.
Well, that’s it for this week,
I know some of you plan your week with this column in mind so I thought I’d let you know that next week it will contain 10% protein, 30% sugar and 60% filler. (No sodium though.)
An audio version of this and other columns can be heard at BrendanTSmith.com. Brendan is the author of “The Flatlander Chronicles” and “Best Of A F.O.O.L. In New Hampshire” His latest book “I Only Did It For The Socks & Other Tales Of Aging” will be published in early 2020.
