Letter To Mick Jagger?

by Brendan Smith
Weirs Times Editor

I was going to use my column this week to write an open letter to Mick Jagger.
Last week it was reported in the news that the Rolling Stones, on yet another concert tour, had to suddenly postpone their remaining shows.
At first I thought that since all of the guys in the group were in their mid-seventies that they were having trouble staying awake past 9pm so they either had to start their shows no later than 6pm (with a prostate relief intermission included) or just stop performing all together.
I was surprised to find out that wasn’t the case at all. It seems that Jagger, who seems the liveliest of the bunch and the only one who might make it past 9:30, found out he needed to have a heart valve replacement.
So, having had one of those myself last year, I thought I might chime in an give the singer some tips on what to expect both before and after.
I thought long and hard for a couple of days about some things that might help him in both the preparation and recovery; some tips that I wish I had received. I just wanted to help a fellow valve replacement recipient and maybe score a couple of tickets to a rescheduled show (a matinee performance if possible. I am pushing my mid-sixties after all).
I had just about finalized my extensive list when I decided to take a break.
I turned on the news only to hear that Jagger had already had his operation.
What??
Well, there went the whole opening salvo about what to expect leading up to the operation.
It seems that Jagger got moved to the top of the list. Not surprising since he is a big star and, according to rumor, some of the hospital staff had tickets to a postponed show and wanted to get him back up and running ASAP.
Then I heard that Jagger had a new procedure called TAVR (Transcatheter Aortic Valve Replacement) where they insert a replacement valve over the old one by running a tube through the vein in your leg up to your heart. No muss. No fuss.
So, I had to eliminate another section of my letter that was useless. I had the ROTC (Rip Open The Chest) method when I had my aortic valve replaced. So, all the suggestions about how to deal with the discomfort of a healing sternum were now of no value.
I did write a rather lengthy paragraph on how much he will enjoy his new hospital socks, but I’m sure he is already experiencing that slice of heaven, so I had to delete it.
It seems Jagger didn’t even have to decide what kind of valve he wanted since there was only one choice with his particular operation, so my tips on choosing one were now moot.
For instance, if he were to choose a heart valve made from a cow, like I did, he would also have to weigh the environmental impact as his flatulence would now be considered as contributing to climate change.
It is a heavy burden that I never considered and now carry with me daily, as well as an avoidance of some many legumes I once enjoyed.
Seems Mick doesn’t have to worry about that guilt now.
With the TAVR method, Jagger also should be back in full action sooner than later, so my suggestions on how to pass the time while healing are now all for naught.
I had three whole paragraphs, carefully crafted with step by step instructions, on how to take a shower without causing yourself even more injury to other parts of your body but is seems he won’t even have to consider those options now.
All that is left in my original letter, after all unnecessary information had been deleted, was just a simple closing statement: “The next few weeks will prove to be a struggle and a challenge and you might even get discouraged, but don’t give up hope. Things DO get better and you will come out on the other end stronger and with a new outlook on life and what’s really important.”
Maybe I’ll still leave in that part. Who knows, maybe he’ll read the letter anyway (fat chance) and my words of encouragement will still be of some help.
Also, I let him know that if something else happens to slow him down, like some prostate issues, I can help him there too.
And, just in case, I also mentioned that he could send tickets to me c/o The Weirs Times, PO Box 5458, Weirs, NH. 03247. (Early show if at all possible.)

Brendan is the author of “The Flatlander Chronicles” and “Best Of A F.O.O.L in New Hampshire” available at BrendanTSmith.com

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