More Summer Birds
by Brendan Smith
Weirs Times Editor
It is now officially the summer season, and with that arrives the summer birds once again.
I have written before about such birds as the Gawking Slowpoke, The Big Bellied Loudmouth, The Thin-Legged Longwalker, The Jewel Covered Long Island Whiner and, of course, The Lake House Bird. (Shameless Self Promotion: You can read about these birds in The Flatlander Chronicles.)
They will all still be here, of course, but there will be some new ones as well. Some have been around for a few years and have developed new characteristics, others are new species that have come into being due to the recent events in our country (or what is left of it).
The Wide-Eyed Busybody – This is a local bird that can be found year-round. They are easy to spot as they never pay much attention to their own nest but need to know what is going on in every other nest (and are never happy with what they see.) These birds have been mostly ignored over the years as science has proven that the DNA from this bird is sure to be found within all other birds to some degree. Still, they have recently been appearing in large numbers this season with new markings and can now also be identified as “The Wide-Eyed Masked Busybody.” They are no longer solely concerned with what is going on with other nests, but they now travel further to places where many other birds go to hunt for food and other necessities, where they like to squawk about any other bird who is not a “Wide Eyed Masked Busybody”. (With a lot of variety of birds now wearing masks, how does one recognize this particular species? If you think you have spotted one, simply walk the wrong way down a one-way only aisle at the local food gathering place and they will loudly squawk.)
The Social Distancing Bird – These birds are everywhere this year. Unlike most birds, who do their best to try and give space to other birds, the Social Distancing Bird is consumed with needing to keep exactly six-feet away from other birds. Changing flight in mid-course to avoid another bird, dodging traffic to cross the street in order to avoid oncoming birds and sometimes finding themselves trapped between two sets of oncoming birds but no safe place to get to in order to keep that six-foot distance. Ornithologists predict that these birds may become extinct at a rapid rate from either the constant stress from their own worry and fear, or errant moves that prove to be more deadly than the virus are trying to avoid.
The Too Soon Bird – Mostly just a nuisance bird as their constant and unending squawking of “Too Soon, Too Soon” when they see other birds coming out of their nests, can really wear on one’s nerves.
The Angry Gawker – This is a local bird that has been around for years but has increased in population over the past few months. They are hard to spot since they look like most other birds, but they seethe anger, usually while flying, as they notice other birds, who have flown in from places like New York and Massachusetts. Much like the Social Distancing Bird, they become stressed merely by the site of these other birds and they bring that back to the nest with them where they post about their anger on social media like “BeakBook” or write angry letters to the local paper expressing their displeasure with the out of state birds.
The Anxious Sueyou Bird – These birds have been in hiding but you will soon be reading about a whole influx of them over the coming months. Once other birds have opened their nests to all other species, the “Anxious Sueyou” Bird will be one of the first to show up (sometimes with the “Wide Eyed Masked Gawker” by their side.) They may seem innocent at first, but they are on the lookout for nests that aren’t using the proper materials, or are letting other birds get to close to each other, or any one of a plethora of things that they will claim made them feel unsafe. Then they will fly back to their nests, contact a “Litigation Bird” in the hopes of acquiring the goods of the other nests. (If you think there is a chipmunk problem this year, just wait. Some experts from BOPA (Birds of Pandemic America) think these birds will soon be multiplying ten-fold every week.)
There are also a lot of older species of birds who we haven’t seen around much over the past few months but hope to see soon. They have been hunkered down in their nests, afraid to show their beaks.
When they do finally decide to spread their wings again, let’s make sure to embrace them and welcome them back to the group (even you “I Ain’t Afraid Of Nothing” Birds.)
In fact, we should be sympathetic to all of our fellow birds, whatever species, who have been dealing with these strange times in their own ways.
We must remember that All Birds Are Important.
(Except maybe the “Anxious Sueyou” Birds.)
