My Other Job

by Brendan Smith
Weirs Times Editor

My job always get a little harder in the summertime.
I am not talking about being the editor of this paper, but my “other” job.
Being the self-anointed voice of the Flatlander here in Central New Hampshire, it is mostly a pleasure to expose my own deficiencies and recount personal mishaps in my continuing adjustment to life here so as to be a mentor of sorts to those that follow in my footsteps.
In the summer my job is a little harder and is not always well-received. It is when I must, out of necessity, give tips to some visiting Flatlanders to help them enjoy their vacations here. Trying to explain, without ruffling too many feathers, why some of the things they do irritate the natives and adjusted Flatlanders alike.
Every time I do something like this (which I consider nothing more than a public service) I immediately hear negative feedback and I do understand their anger. Of course, not all visiting Flatlanders need these helpful tips, they are doing just fine. They are really meant for just some visiting Flatlanders (and you know who you are). Some natives also might learn a thing or two (though they will never admit it).
My credentials for parting such information comes from being born and raised on Long Island, New York and moving here to stay in 1985. I am still adjusting and learning. (For instance, I have yet to attend a bean hole bean dinner and I still haven’t been to a Contradance which for years I thought were wild affairs with ex-Nicaraguan counter revolutionaries blowing off steam.)
My biggest adjustment was in attitude…and I didn’t know I had one.
So, here are a few tips for enjoying your stay and getting along.

Traffic – We really don’t see a lot of traffic up here except, of course, in the summer. You’re used to it. We actually do nutty things up here like let people into traffic when they are leaving a parking area, we even stop for people in crosswalks (which is also a law). Once in a while, we go completely off the deep end and actually “slow down” to let the other guy merge first when a double lane goes into a single.
I know is sounds crazy, but you do get used to it.

Restaurants – It is fun to eat out when you are on vacation, but to make your dining experience more enjoyable, the best way to start is to remember that restaurants are only this busy because you are here…and they are happy about it, glad to see you. But since it is busy you may have to wait for a table. It’s really nothing personal, it’s just business. When you do get seated, take a look at your server’s name tag. That is his/her name.Unless the tag specifically reads: “Buddy’, “Honey”, “Pal”, “Sweetie”. Or “Yo”, it’s best, and just polite, not to call them that. Also remember that parking can be scarce at some restaurants and just because you have a nice, expensive car, you still should only use just one space.

Shopping – If you have nice place on the lake for the week, you will surely need to stock up on groceries. It is always nice to get that out of the way, leave the store and relax. But there is no need to race down the aisle to get into the fastest check-out lane, we aren’t going to try and beat you there. And if you do have say, “only” thirty items, it really isn’t “close enough” to justify using the fourteen items or less lane.
Maybe you forgot your bathing suit while packing. It happens to all of us. If you need to get one in a hurry and the salesperson is busy helping someone else, remain calm, wait your turn and remember “Excuse me, I just have a quick question” is interrupting.

Relaxing – Just do it! No matter how hard or unnatural it seems.

I’m sure some of you are steamed right now, saying out loud “Just who does this guy think he is?”
I’m a fellow Flatlander like yourself who got caught in these same traps when I moved here thirty years ago. It’s a big adjustment, whether you are here for seven days or seventy years.
It takes a lot of getting used to.
Have a great vacation.

Brendan is the author of “The Flatlander Chronicles” and “Best Of A F.O.O.L. In New Hampshire” available at BrendanTSmith.com. His latest book “I Only Did It For The Socks and Other Tales of Aging” will be published later this year.