No Mention Of You-Know-What

by Brendan Smith
Weirs Times Editor

After three months of writing about it, I promise you that this week I won’t even mention the you-know-what virus in this column.
This week the subject will be all about me.
As you may or may not know, I am running for Governor of New Hampshire under the Flatlander Ticket (again).
I have been doing this since 2000 and, as you may or may not know, I have yet to win.
It has been my dream since I started these campaigns to make a difference to not only the New Hampshire way of life, but to my own life as well.
There is a lot I’d like to accomplish but, without an election victory, this is impossible.
You see, in New Hampshire the governor is elected for two years at an annual salary of a little over $100,000 a year. Even if you stink at the job – which is very easy to do as it happens all the time– you can’t get fired and you are guaranteed a cool $200,000 plus.
This is a substantial amount and more than I make right now and I could do a lot with this money.
I could pay off bills, sock away more for retirement, maybe build an addition on my house, take that much needed vacation (after my term ends of course). These have been my aspirations since I first ran for Governor. I knew that I could make some real changes in my life and if, along the way, I got the chance to sign a couple of bills that might be good for New Hampshire, than it’s a win-win.
I also figured that after I was governor, even if I did stink, I could write a book about what it was like to be governor. I could name a few names, make up some facts, hint at some scandals.
I’m sure this would be good for maybe six figures (hopefully numbers). Then, if and when the book is a success, I could charge good money for people to have me come and talk about the book, getting more people to buy it, making it a bestseller and then getting more people to pay me to talk about it.
A vicious but lucrative circle.
Maybe after that I could become a political consultant and get paid to help other people who wanted to be governor. Of course, the ultimate gig would be getting a spot on some news program as a contributor. That would really be sweet. But, I won’t be greedy. I’ll take the most money I can get from this whole deal and be happy.
As you can see, the potential for cashing in on this opportunity is enormous and can set someone up for life, if they know how to take advantage of it. Forget about putting on that addition; I’m sure a whole new house would be in order; maybe two. (A winter home in Florida?)
Still, obviously, the hardest thing to do is to get elected in the first place. The best dreams are never realized without conquering a few obstacles – I read that somewhere.
But these are dreams I have been holding on to for way too long without realizing them and, I must admit, it is getting frustrating. After twenty years I’m becoming more and more certain that it just might not ever happen.
I’ve given it just about all I can.
So, I am making this year my final try for the governor’s seat (maybe). If I fail, I will have to develop some new lofty goals. After all. I turn 65 in November and I’m not getting any younger.
That is why I turn to you, the voter, this one last time. This year let’s not make this election about the economy or social issues or that thing I promised not to mention; let’s make this election about the realization of one man’s dreams…mine.
It’s time to put aside all this negative talk about budgets and taxes and social issues and focus on something truly positive for a change. Those things never go away no matter what we do. Helping me reach my goals will last, I promise you.
Just think of the encouragement it would give to others who have also been working hard to reach their dreams and are one step away from giving up. I am convinced that in this time of economic uncertainty and global instability nothing would ease the psyche of the American public more than a good-old fashioned success story.
Why not mine?
So, there you have it. My final plea. Take from it what you will when you cast your vote for governor in November. Write my name in that blank box on the bottom and help make this dream a reality.
A vote for me in this election would not just be a vote for a new governor; it would be a vote for the American Dream. A victory for me might just satisfy that missing dream in you.
What have you got to lose?

Brendan is the author of “The Flatlander Chronicles” and “Best Of A F.O.O.L In New Hampshire”. His newest book “I Really Only Did It For The Socks -Stories & Thoughts On Aging” will be available later this year. Brendan has also entertained audiences around New Hampshire with his storytelling presentations. To find out more visit his website at BrendanTSmith.com