The Magic Excuse
by Brendan Smith
Weirs Times Editor
Recently I had an online battle with a representative of a company I had ordered something from.
The order, which I had paid extra to be delivered on a certain day, had not yet arrived, much less on the paid for date.
Of course, the extra fee was waived, but the package would still be even a few days later than it should be.
When all was said and done, the sales rep finally put the blame on why things were like they were.
“It’s because of Covid-19,” he said.
Ahhh…yes…the inarguable and extremely convenient excuse for everything that is messed up today.
Did you screw up? No reason to blame yourself. Blame Covid.
At first, I was a bit annoyed, but after I cooled down a bit I realized that this whole Covid-19 excuse phenomenon was a once on a lifetime event (hopefully).
Never before has one particular thing been allowed to be used so nonchalantly to excuse anything. Societal new norms also make it so that there can be no recourse from the affected party.
I have silently fumed while others pulled this magic excuse from their back pocket.
Even businesses on the web explain up front, usually with a large banner on the top of their homepage, that they really don’t have to try as hard to please me since….well…you know….Covid. So, if things don’t go the way you like…tough luck.
Now, six months into this phenomenon, I am a little angry at myself for not using this magic excuse more than I have.
So, last weekend, I thought I would give it a go.
A trip to my local supermarket was the first test of these new superpowers. For once I could participate and do things that other “special” people have done incorrectly, or just plain rudely, for years.
First, I parked my car a bit sideways so that I took up three parking spaces. Then I placed a sign on my windshield I had made at home with magic marker that read: “Sorry, my inconsiderate parking is due to Covid-19”.
Next, I gathered about twenty-five items and brought them to the fourteen items or less line. As I placed my items down on the conveyor belt amidst the glaring eyes of others on line, I looked up sadly at the cashier and turned to those behind me and said: “I would have used the proper line, but Covid….you know.” They said nothing. What could they? I uttered the magic excuse that cannot be argued against.
Of course, my final run was taking my shopping cart to the car and after unloading it, leaving the cart smack dab in the middle of the parking lot so no one could possibly get by with their car. Another handmade sign attached to the handle read: “Cart left here due to Covid.”
Who could argue?
Last I heard, that cart is still sitting there, no one with the nerve to touch it lest they get the Covid. WMUR is supposedly sending a news crew to cover this.
On my way home I came across a long line at a stoplight (this was the summer season after all). So, I pulled into the empty right hand turn lane and timed it so I would hit the light just as it turned green. Then I put on my left blinker and cut in front of the line of cars, with the window down I leaned out as horns honked and tires screeched, and yelled: “Sorry, Covid.”
Not only did the horns stop honking, but I think I got a few thumbs up from some folks who were driving with their masks on. It was kind of hard to make out since their windows were closed.
When I arrived home, my phone rang, it was a call from an old acquaintance who was in town that I hadn’t seen for years. He wanted to get together that night since he was only in the area for the day.
I was pretty tired from all my Covid shenanigans that afternoon and wasn’t really feeling up to it. In the past, this would have been a problem and hard to get out of, but I pulled out the magic excuse again.
“Wow, that’s great, I haven’t seen you in years. We’d have a lot to catch up on, but, hey, you know I really can’t….Covid.”
“Sure, I understand. Maybe next time.”
Did I feel bad? Maybe a little, but I will get over it soon enough.
(It is important to note that the magic excuse will not work when trying to get out of household chores. I give this to you as fair warning.)
If you have not taken advantage of the magic “Covid-19” excuse, I’d advise you to hurry up as there is still time.
I only hope that a vaccine is still a ways off yet so I can continue to use the “Covid-19” excuse for months (or possibly years) to come.
I am always looking for the silver lining.
Brendan is the author of “The Flatlander Chronicles” and “Best Of A F.O.O.L. In New Hampshire” available at BrendanTSmith.com. His latest book “I Only Did It For The Socks – Stories and Thoughts On Aging” will be published soon (or not ….after all…Covid…you know).