The New Normal

by Brendan Smith
Weirs Times Editor

I’ll be glad once this whole virus thing is over.
I am curious to find out what this new normal is going to be that everyone is talking about.
They mention it a lot on the news which is very confusing nowadays.
They constantly bombard us with stories of doom and gloom amidst this pandemic only to give us a small break on occasion when they run tearjerker commercials that are supposed to make us feel better. They usually have soothing music and pictures of people wearing masks holding signs reading “We are all in this together”.
We all get sucked into it and feel good for a moment. Maybe there is hope for whatever this thing really is.
But then the news comes back on only to inform us that things aren’t getting better, in fact things just got a lot worse since they cut away for the commercial.
“Breaking News. This just in since you were lulled into a false sense of security a few minutes ago, and it’s not good.”
I am looking forward to the day when I can turn on the news again to hear how screwed up everything is and then watch a plethora of commercials trying to sell me drugs with very dangerous side effects to take care of different ailments I never new existed but could possibly catch in my lifetime if I happen to live long enough.
This way my blood pressure stays on an even upward keel. Too much fluctuation can be dangerous for your health.
This new normal thing is very confusing, they tell us it is coming, but they don’t explain exactly what it is, only that we’ll need to adjust to it. So, since we are hearing it on the news, we assume it must be bad.
I have some of my own ideas on what this new normal might be and, if I’m right, I really don’t think it will be all as terrible as some might imagine.
I would guess the biggest part of this new normal would be the continuation of the social distancing phenomena.
I think it’s a blessing in disguise.
Let’s face it, for many people this has been a dream of theirs for years and now with this pandemic brouhaha it may just become a new way of life.
Just imagine a world where it is now verboten to stand too close to someone you never really wanted to stand too close to in the first place but you didn’t want to be impolite. The new normal will take care of that.
I’m not sure how long it will last, but for now restaurants will have to limit seating to six at a table. With this new normal “friends” can plan a dinner outing and find a way to keep obnoxious Jerry and his wife who snorts a lot from the group without creating any bad feelings. “Hi Jerry, yeah, sorry you only found out about this now, I tried to reach you, but we are already at the six-person limit. Hopefully next time.”
Of course, if you get such a message yourself, you can find out who your friends really are.
I would like to see a new normal where every other parking space is closed off in big parking lots so as to avoid a possible “virus spreading” incident when two shoppers exit their cars at the same time parked next to each other. It would be interesting to see the statistics on the downward trend in parking lot dings and scratches. Now that would be good news.
Speaking of supermarkets, the new normal social distancing will be helpful in keeping impatient folks behind you at the cashier from trying to cram their fifty items onto the six inches of conveyor belt that you left open with your groceries. Perhaps now with social distancing enforcement, those two-inch separator bars that are used will be replaced with slightly larger electrified ones.
Of course, some of these new normals will make some things a little more complicated.
The folks working the deli counter at the supermarket might now have to send a picture to your phone showing the thickness of the bologna they just cut since you will never be able to get close enough to see if it meets your bologna thickness requirements.
But, like all changes, with this new normal you will have to take the good with the bad.
We’ll just have to make the best of it till there’s a “new” new normal.

Brendan is the author of “The Flatlander Chronicles” and “Best Of A F.O.O.L In New Hampshire”. His newest book “I Really Only Did It For The Socks -Stories & Thoughts On Aging” will be available later this year. Brendan has also entertained audiences around New Hampshire with his storytelling presentations. To find out more visit his website at www.BrendanTSmith.com