What Happens Next?

by Brendan Smith
Weirs Times Editor

Just when we were ready for the new season, someone has to come along and pull the rug out from under our feet.
It has been a long summer preparing and now that the early cold nights of autumn have taken some by surprise, we were glad we did the work early.
Unfortunately, the phones haven’t been ringing as in past years.
Yes, F.A.T.S.O. is not a sure thing for this year.
If you don’t know, F.A.T.S.O. stands for Flatlanders Adjusting To Solitary Oblivion, a winter support group I started twenty-five years to help new transplants to New Hampshire adjust to their first few winters here in New Hampshire.
To date, we have thousands of members and more were joining every year. But the future now is precarious.
If you have been following the news, you know that F.A.T.S.O. has come under attack by certain groups who find the acronym insensitive and politically incorrect. I have been personally discredited for starting the group and this paper is being pressured to remove me from its ranks.
As I write this, a constant stream of protesters block the street in front of my house chanting slogans and holding signs.
Some of my videos about F.A.T.S.O., all well intentioned to do nothing more than to help others with their winter adjustments, have been mysteriously removed from You Tube. Even New Hampshire’s own contingency of government representatives have chastised me in public, refusing to even say FATSO so as to avoid seeming insensitive themselves as they condemn me.
I am very proud of the work F.A.T.S.O. has done over the years. Our intention was never to harm but to help. Our membership, which started at 20 in 1995 has grown to over 6,000 across the Granite State. Today, before we even officially start our 2019/20 season, that number has dwindled to about 1,800 as many members feel pressured to drop out or face the wrath of their politically correct friends and neighbors.
I have received emails and texts from some, apologizing for having to leave. Some are concerned that the pressures of Thanksgiving conversation with family and friends will already be a heavy burden without the weight of admitting they are members of F.A.T.S.O. added to the mix.
Some say, it’s only temporary, they’ll be back; but I won’t hold my breath and I don’t blame them. I might do the same things if I were in their shoes.
This comes on the heels of our new marketing campaign designed to not only attract new transplants, but to get other visitors to consider a move to New Hampshire year-round.
Our road side billboards proclaiming “Tired Of City Living? Become a FATSO This Winter” have been forced to be removed to avoid further controversy.
The remaining officers of F.A.T.S.O. have been trying to decide our next move. We realize that if we give up on F.A.T.S.O. we’ve given up on the promise of a better life we have made to those who are sticking by us through thick and thin (or at least until they succumb to the pressure to leave).
We’d be letting down all of those folks who have depended on us and who we really did help, though our benevolence will go unnoticed, covered by the dark shadow of our perceived inconsideration by a certain group of people.
It was suggested by one officer, that maybe we could just continue by changing our name, a new acronym that would still relay the message but would not be considered hurtful to anyone.
After an evening of new acronym suggestions, too many to list here, we couldn’t come up with a single one that, if one thought long and hard enough, wouldn’t prove offensive to someone, somewhere.
Of course, we had to look at it in practical and financial terms as well. We still have a rather large inventory of F.A.T.S.O. sweatshirts, T-shirts, coffee mugs and hats that we have invested thousands into. We can’t just eat that and start fresh. Our treasury would take too great of a hit.
So, where do we go from here?
Should we give up on our dream? Do we throw away years of hard work in helping others adjust? Do we throw thousands of dollars in investment down the drain to keep some overly sensitive people happy (If they ever can be) and let them win?
Only time will tell.