Never Too Late To Learn
by Brendan Smith
Weirs Times Editor
I realize our cover story this week claims winter is half over, but don’t let that lull you into a false sense of security.
Of course, we here at F.A.T.S.O. never let our guard down until the middle of April
For the uninitiated, F.A.T.S.O. stands for Flatlanders Adjusting To Solitary Oblivion. It is a winter support group for new transplants to New Hampshire started by my friend Vinnie and me.
This year’s rather late arrival of cold temperatures and badly timed snowfalls have taken their toll on even those who have long ago shed their F.A.T.S.O skins, confident that they could stand alone against the season, having been properly conditioned by us.
There are a few graduates, of whom we are very proud, who have learned well and are doing fine on their own. But even the best of them fooled by a pleasant January, found themselves not ready for the cold snaps and icy snowstorms of February and have humbly come back to F.A.T.S.O. to learn even more.
For Vinnie and me, this has been a difficult year. We never turn anyone away
Usually we find ourselves with about twenty to thirty new F.A.T.S.O. members but with the addition of those who are coming back for refresher courses, our numbers have been closer to the fifty and sixty on most days we hold our survival classes.
We have found it necessary to break things up a bit by offering separate classes with more specific themes as opposed to our general meetings. This way we are hoping to keep attendance down to manageable levels as not everyone will feel the need to attend all the classes.
We are grateful to those experienced graduates who have given of their time to come back and teach these classes, making the process a smooth one so far.
For example, there will be no need to attend “Roof Raking 101” if you have already mastered the artistry of this essential winter tool but you can attend later in the day when our special seminar “Dressing In Layers – When is Enough Enough?” is held.
The following is a list and time of a few of the classes that will be offered in the next week.
We urge you to attend those that will be helpful to you. And, please don’t be lulled into a false sense of security seeing that this is near the end of February and you might feel that there really is no need to take these classes now.
As you know, or will know, next winter will be here before you know it and you don’t want to suddenly be panicking in trying to learn an important winter lesson that you could already have under your belt.
These are lessons for a lifetime.
All of these classes will be held at the F.A.T.S.O Headquarters in Laconia and pre-registration is required. We are planning on releasing these classes on YouTube next year so you can learn at home without having to traverse the winter weather.
Monday 8am-10am – “Below Zero – Seriously?” This class had very low attendance when it was held earlier this winter. Some who attended even turned up in shorts. But suddenly, after this past week, our phones have been buzzing off the hooks to hold it again. It is almost filled as I write this.
Monday 10am-Noon – “Driving After A Snowstorm” Learn such things as why stoplights are suddenly blinking, the best way to handle a skid and learn the awful truth about idiots that refuse to clean the snow off of their cars after a significant snowstorm.
Tuesday 11am-1pm – “Understanding the Weather Report” – Learn why people needlessly panic over winter weather reports that usually end up being incorrect and why they still will, even after taking this class. We have reached out to WMUR to help promote this one, but for some reason they won’t.
Wednesday 2pm-4pm- “Salt Or Sand” Learn the proper use for each one in different winter conditions as well as how not to confuse the two when seasoning food.
Saturday 2pm-4pm – “The Supermarket” – How to navigate the war zone of your local food store upon the announcement of an impending snowstorm. Which junk foods are really necessary for survival? New this year, how to navigate the shopping carts left willy nilly around the parking lot (usually left by the same folks who don’t clean off their cars after a snowstorm).
Thursday 1pm-3pm – “Keeping Active In Winter” Learn which winter sport is best for you. Whether it be skiing, skating, ice fishing or just watching hockey on TV, each one will be discussed in full to help you decide which you are most comfortable with.
Friday 10am-Noon – “Proper Shoveling Techniques” – Learn the best positions for your body when snow shoveling. Includes the “Lift With Your Knees” Method to the “Reaching In Your Back Pocket For Your Wallet To Pay The Plow Guy” method.
We hope that by providing classes in this scattered format we can keep the crowds at manageable levels and give everyone the opportunity to be able to learn as much as possible to help with future survival here in Central New Hampshire.
For a full schedule of classes got to www.fatso.ugh.
